Why do we start each New Year with such good intentions, only to see them fade within weeks, days, or even hours? Life quickly gets in the way, and our New Year resolutions often turn into unmet goals. While we can offer many valid reasons for this, the root cause often lies deeper: how we perceive ourselves. Let’s explore this fundamental issue and how to address it.
The Problem: How we see ourselves
How often do we see ourselves in a negative way? Many of us focus on what we dislike about ourselves:
- “I’m not good enough.” Even if you don’t consciously think this, it can be an underling feeling.
- “I keep making mistakes.” Each error chips away at your self-esteem.
- “I’ll never succeed.” Past failures make future goals feel impossible.
- “I’m so disorganised.” Losing track of things reinforces this belief.
- “I drink too much.” We often downplay or ignore unhealthy habits.
- “I’m unlovable.” We fear our flaws make us unworthy of love.
- “Others are smarter than me.” Feeling inferior keeps us from trying.
It’s no wonder we aim our New Year resolutions at “fixing” these perceived flaws. But is this approach effective? When we let our inner critic guide us, New Year resolutions become a tool to appease our negativity, rather than a way to grow.
Shifting Perspectives: Building a balanced view
To set meaningful New Year resolutions, we need to view ourselves more fairly. This means not just combating our inner critic but cultivating gratitude and focusing on our strengths. Here’s how gratitude can transform how we see ourselves:
Why gratitude works
- Shifting focus to the positive: Gratitude redirects attention from what’s wrong to what’s right. By acknowledging even small positives, you naturally balance out negative thoughts.
- Rewiring the brain: Practicing gratitude activates the brain’s reward system, releasing dopamine and serotonin—chemicals that enhance happiness. Over time, this rewiring helps quiet negative self-talk.
- Building resilience: Gratitude reframes challenges as opportunities for growth. Viewing setbacks as lessons builds resilience, making it easier to bounce back.
- Acknowledging your worth: Gratitude isn’t just about external positives—it’s about recognising your own strengths. Celebrating your efforts enhances self-compassion and reinforces your worth.
Practical gratitude practices to try at home:
- Daily gratitude Write down three things you’re grateful for each day. These can be simple, like enjoying a quiet moment or just receiving a kind word.
- Gratitude journal Document moments that highlight your abilities or accomplishments. This reinforces a positive self-view.
- Express gratitude Thank those who’ve supported you. Strengthening connections boosts your sense of belonging.
- Gratitude reminders Place notes in your space to prompt grateful thoughts. These cues can interrupt negativity and refocus your perspective.
Building on strengths: a new approach to resolutions
When we base New Year resolutions on a balanced view of ourselves, they become opportunities for growth, not punishment. However, resolutions need to be realistic! We can easily set ourselves up to breaking them and fail, which in turn can reinforce some of the negative ideas we hold about ourselves.
To make a successful resolution we need to:
- Be motivated and WANT to make a change
- Be supported by others to achieve it
- See a positive end result ahead and the benefits of achieving it
- Reward ourselves for our success
- Be self-compassionate, be kind to ourselves
- Avoid blaming others and take responsibility for ourselves
These examples may help stimulate some ideas:
- Self-Care without guilt “I will dedicate time each week to activities that nurture my mind, body, and soul.”
- Practice mindful appreciation “I will take moments to appreciate the present and acknowledge my efforts with kindness.”
- Create a joyful routine “I will prioritise activities that bring me joy, like reading, walking, or listening to music.”
- Be kind to yourself “I will replace self-critical thoughts with encouraging words.”
- Invest in personal growth “I will explore hobbies or learning opportunities just for the joy of discovery.”
- Share your expertise “I will refine my skills and share them by mentoring or teaching.”
- Strengthen relationships “I will deepen connections with family, friends, or colleagues through meaningful interactions.”
By shifting the focus from fixing your flaws to growing your strengths through positivity and kindness, you can create New Year resolutions that inspire real change and lasting growth.
With love and kindness,
Robert
If you find you are struggling with the stresses and strains of work, daily life and everything that comes with it, you aren’t alone. There are some great resources available to help you and those you care about:
Samaritans: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/
Mind: Information and support – Mind
If you’d like to learn more about your own Psychological Wellbeing and Mental Health or want to be able to reach out and help others – take a look at our Psychological Wellbeing and Resilience and Mental Health Awareness courses; both of which are available as part of our Open Course schedule in 2025.